Viva Italia: a rite of passage.
Between castles perched upon hill tops, streets lined with olive trees barely wide enough for our Fiat 500, and the unmistakable sounds that are just so Italy… we are back.
Well, we’re currently between Italy and Switzerland. The children and I have just returned to my husband in the Swiss Alps after an eight day reconnaissance mission, exploring seven Waldorf Schools from the North of Italy, across the lakes of Como, Maggiore and Garda, down to Florence and back.
Knowing just how the hustle + bustle of Milano goes, I found myself sitting on the train with a whirl of anxiety in my tummy as we jetted past the glacial lake of Lugano, on our way to pick up our little ‘Cinque Cento’ from Milan Central Station. Our connecting train into Centrale was cancelled moments prior to walking on the platform. We were instead ushered onto another train headed to Milano Porta Garibaldi, a station I had never visited - dammit! Yet, we’re in Italy, and nothing else really matters.
The last time I drove here amongst the wild and charismatic traffic, where literally ANY manoeuvre goes, as long as its accompanied by a flurry of hand gestures, windows wound down and a whole lot of shouting resembling a romantic passage out of Romeo + Juliet, was September 2023.
Sometimes I wonder whether Italians are speaking about anything of consequence, or just speaking because they love the sound of their own language??
The Littles and I dragged our suitcase out of the station and by chance - thank you Spirit - walked out to find a Taxi stand right in front of us. I hailed a cab and 5 mins later... we were at the Car Rental picking up our car. We loaded the tiny trunk of the ‘Cinque Cento’, the kids piled in and I settled in on lefthand side of the car... it was all very familiar and my body was immediately calm.
Slowly we reversed. Found our way to the ‘uscita’ and merged onto the 4 lanes of traffic heading out of the city towards Lago di Como. After just a few corners, I knew the next ‘left’ or ‘right’ before Google Maps even prompted me…
Wisdom
noun
the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement; the quality of being wise.
Coming back to Italy has not been without much conversation, consideration and conscious remembering of what has worked in the past and what, quite frankly has definitely not. The bureaucracy and what seems to be a love for endless paperwork here, is something that deserves more than a 5 min conversation over eggs in the morning. For me, traveling only on my Aussie passport, residency applications and interviews ensue - as a Mama to two Austrian children, navigating this process in Italy is surprisingly easeful - far more so than it is in Austria. Go figure.
In the past, we have chosen locations WE love (the adults that is), but haven’t found the community, doctors/medical facilities + holistic clinics, opportunities for alternate education (we’re seeking a Steiner Waldorf environment where the Teachers speak at least good basic English and are motivated to support the transition of our Littles), sporting facilities AND the intimacy with our natural world. Somewhere that our feet can nestle in the earth, plant fruit trees of our choosing, swim in crystal clear lakes and where there are plentiful opportunities for hiking/biking/skiing and strolls down historical centres with atmosphere a plenty.
We’re finally ready to root down (in fact we’ve been wanting for it for sometime). We are yearning to have a home, I ache to pick lemons from the trees that line the driveway and make ‘burro di limone’ (lemon butter) for friends, to pitch a tipi on the soil that we are stewarding, where women can come to gather from all over the world. While I re-read this somewhat long list, there is a part of me that screams ‘how indulgent of you!’, however it doesn’t feel glutenous or far fetched. It is simple clarity born out of walking the path of discovery and daring to dance in the unknown, which we have done a f*cking lot of!!
The past has provided us with the wisdom of understanding that the heartbeat of this move, is finding the right school, where both children feel a full body YES. This is not a season of home schooling. This is a season of my husband traveling for work and re-orienting in the Northern Hemisphere. Mama is re-birthing her business and we’re tending to all that creating a HOME in a foreign, yet familiar country is asking... mind, body and spirit, both individually and as a family unit.
I’m curious; when was the last time you looked to your past to tend to the seeds of the current season you’re in? Is this season asking of you what the last did, or is it asking you to put down what you were holding, who you were being and the action you took in order to honor something fresh?
Will we choose integrity to what is despite the odds and the unknown, over the pulse of safety that lives within routine, rigidity, and knowing?
This is by no mistake a season of beautiful and welcomed intensity. Where we are not in our new life in Italy, we’re not in the old one back in New Zealand… we are indeed, traversing the liminal between two worlds… this is a rite of passage and I can feel the squeezing.
While my mind has on many occasions over the past few weeks, offered the easy, back door way out, my heart and body knows that this is a ‘no stands, arena only’ period of our life. We’re all in. I am ALL IN.
Nurturing ones mind, body + soul during seasons just like this, where parts are dying while others are being birthed, where the void feels a plenty... none of this asks for the flashy or fast, it simply asks for you to release the noose around your damn neck!
Give yourself the permission to be in what is. Give yourself the permission for it to be simple and easy. No Q’s asked. Release the excessive, delete the unnecessary.
Your body will give you the intel you need.
Is your skin breaking out? Feeling bloated and sluggish but eating and moving the same? Sleep disrupted? Tummy not well? Bleed arrived early / maybe later than usual or you bled for longer than normal? Lump rising in the back of your throat in what are seemingly odd occasions? Can’t steady your breath or mind to respond, and find yourself either shutting down or flying off the handles? Creativity… sex drive… all a distant memory?
Your body is whispering. Are you listening?
During the first 5 days of our reconnaissance, I remained devoted to my Sacred Solo Mornings and 10-20mins of Yoga, however it was a far cry from what I normally operate on movement-wise. I was seriously feeling it. I booked into a CrossFit session, and boy oh boy did I move my body and get the emotions swirling! I left there, ALIVE, and booked in for the very next day.
Our body is such a powerful portal for the digestion of our unseen inner-world. When we provide the body with a moment to feel what is permeating, provide her with an outlet to move it all through (ie: go run, lift, jump, somatically express + connect via dance or your voice, drop into a breathwork session - purge and cry, engage in perspective-shifting conversation —> be seen! ), she will respond with her softening, her shoulders drop, she sits up a little taller as her inhale finally meets the depths of her belly and life surges within! Hallelujah! Here we become resourced, ripe, ready and available.
Exploring the bigness of huge life-change, asks us to be exactly that - internally resourced, ripe in the wisdom we’ve gained thus far, ready to take the action, and emotionally available. Because as Mothers in seasons such as this, it’s not just us being initiated; our Littles are walking their own rites of passage right beside us, and we’re holding them through it all just as much as ourselves.
We know it’s not enough to say we want vitality. We know it requires us to double down on the very basics of living well: plentiful hydration, nourishing foods at regular intervals (no girl, fasting when stress is present is NOT a power move!) moving daily with intention, going to bed at a time that allows you to wake with the sun and get your feet on the earth and take a long pause for YOU before you tend to anyone else’s needs, wants or demands... And YES Mama, I am looking at you!
It is therefore NOT good enough to armor up, to white-knuckle one’s way through life’s challenges. These holy rites of passage have become void in the lives of 99% of women in todays busy, comfort seeking society.
[ As strong as I am soft, as fierce as I am feminine, as stable as I am reactive, as much Mother as I am Wife and what honestly still feels like Maiden some days, duality reigns. As it should.
In today's modern world where women have become afraid of the depths of their darkness, and avoid the rage and anger that bubbles within, they are told to stay quiet and ‘put up’ with what is, to stay in the box and be a ‘good girl’ because that equals less pain. But does it?
To be human is to be a vessel for it ALL. Our light, our joy, our pure happiness, our self expression and the seeking of what I like to call ‘whole-life-wealth’, can only exist when we dance in the duality that makes us, us. ]
~ quote direct from my chapter inside Becoming Whole Again.
And it’s in these moments of tension, of radical refinement that make us want to scream and escape the pain, that instead of creeping out the back door we hold steady.
If you’re looking for a simple way to nurture your soul, release the noose from around your own neck, let the season that is pick you up and sweep you off your feet. Make the decision you need to create the space NOW. Dearmour and feel it all. Order the pasta and wipe the plate with fresh bread and olive oil, and do it all without the guilt trip!
Integrity over rigidity: let die what must and feed that which gives you life.
La dolce vita awaits, but first life will drop you to your knees, ask you to crawl through the fire, in order for life to born yet again.
Lean in,
Ill meet you by the flames x