Fresh tomatoes, clean sheets, sick littles and unsubscribes.
When the popcorn pops ... pop, pop, popperty-pop!
Over the last few weeks I have settled, settled in a way that I prayed to feel since all the healing work begun. There was no confetti that fell from the sky, no cake or party or light show like when I float above my body during deep breathwork, none of that - it was subtle.
About 2 weeks ago, something felt different as I rinsed those dishes and placed them into the dishwasher, my body was softer, my heart open and my mind was, dare I say it … completely at rest. My entire being felt as though she was vibrating on a fresh frequency, the world outside of me all of a sudden felt brand new and as I finished the dishes and jumped on the couch to snuggle my Littles: there was no where else to be.
And then, my husband arrived home from being away working : enter jet-lag for him and a new energy + rhythm to acclimatize to for all of us (those with hubby’s that work away will know precisely what I am talking about here!)
And then, the kids got sick ….
And then, my husbands Mother decided to come see the Grandkids … and she was arriving THAT day.
Pop, pop, popperty … Faaarrrkkk POP!
I had somehow found my way inside a saucepan, full of popping corn and the heat had hit the perfect temp and the popcorn decided NOW.. NOW… NOW
The popcorn popped for a good 48 hours … where I felt myself wanting to fiercely protect the sacred rhythm of what I had been so pristinely, intentionally and carefully been tending to over the past month : with a sword! I noticed just how the desire to swing my sword of defence was actually more disruptive to my emotional wellbeing, sturdy being and the tranquility within the home, than the actually shift in our circumstances. I know you feel the truth in this too.
Women, the Mothers, we are the heartbeat of the home.
We are the wisdom keepers, the thread of connection begins and ends with us.
It is true what they say ‘Happy wife, happy life!’
You cannot be the generator of harmony within the home, if you are unhappy, unhealthy and unwilling to feel what is truly moving through you … you simply cannot. When we are congested, over-fed with unmet emotions, we become simultaneously lethargic and unmoved by life, we also become a boiling volcano that could erupt at any moment … I know you know what I mean here!
I’ll be honest it took a good cry, a vulnerable and uncomfortable expression session with my man allowing myself to be fully seen, a workout that seriously pushed me, a ton of somatic shaking with my feet on the earth, my pillow received the screams and punches of my frustration and anger. And … Phew!
No forcing, the weekend was spent allowing it all and from the moment I woke on Sunday, I made my way toward the things that have recently been a new edition to my daily fulfilment … the kitchen, the laundry room and truly being in my role as Mother.
On Monday, that settled feeling arrived again … with the final load of sheets were washed and hung out to dry in the sunshine, I rinsed the fresh tomatoes, tore off warm pieces of olive sourdough and placed the Jamón on the plate, drizzled olive oil over everything (too much olive oil simply doesn’t exist in Italy), ground the salt and pepper and hey-presto, lunch!
As I made my way outside deliver it to my husband, my son came and snuggled in as I heard my daughter blowing her nose yet again from the lounge room: there was something unspoken that moved from my man in that moment, something that was carried on the wind from him that whispered ‘I got you, welcome back babe’
The sensation of being held, TRULY HELD, by life in a way I have honestly not felt before, is the reason pieces and parts of me that have always been with me have felt safe to be expressed. Because, my love, safety informs our pleasure.
Safety is the prerequisite to our fullest expression .. think about that for a moment!
With no rush or need in my cells, bolstered in fresh ways, I made the decision a few weeks ago to begin speaking more truthfully via the social airways and right here on Substack.
Our body, The Altar, that we step up to daily to experience life through requires our fundamental needs to be nourished for her thriving! Speaking truth into this has earnt me more unfollows and unsubscribes in a week, than I have experienced in my entire time in the digital landscape!
While I anticipated this to a degree, what I didn’t anticipate was the people who would leave aren’t … and the people I thought would stay … have left!
Funny, how life works hey?
Over this past month, I have realized is that my work as a sacred and safe space holder: